In a shocking turn of events, a federal judge has done the unthinkable and actually dismissed a lawsuit filed by Trump allies targeting Chief Justice John Roberts, daring to suggest that ‘lawsuits still need things like evidence, claims, or a basic concept of reality.’

The lawsuit, which named Roberts as ‘Supreme Enemy of Executive Power,’ accused him of ‘using his gavel to slap away Presidential authority like a fly at a picnic.’ Supporters were stunned to learn that, once again, courts prefer actual laws over feelings.

Trump campaign advisor Rick Gerson vented outside the courthouse, shouting, ‘This judge is obviously in the pocket of Big Justice. We demand our day in court, and, failing that, our day in whatever parking lot is available.’

The complaint, which was printed entirely in Comic Sans and included a watermark reading ‘Confidential: Do Not Read,’ sought to have Roberts put on trial for ‘excessive judging.’ The judge, Leonidas McMann, opined, ‘I cannot rule in favor of a lawsuit that lists ‘gravity’ and ‘the deep state’ as co-defendants.’

Lead plaintiff Colonel Buck Harrison lamented, ‘If we can’t sue the Chief Justice for making rulings we don’t like, what’s next? Accepting election results?’ Legal strategist Savannah Pickle added, ‘We’ll be back. We’re already drafting a new suit against Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s ghost for bias.’

At press time, Roberts was reportedly seen quietly gaveling his desk in Morse code, spelling out, ‘lol.’