NEW YORK—A new report released Wednesday by the Institute for Advanced Speculation projected that the global economy will thrive in 2026, powered primarily by irrational optimism, meme stocks, and a steady stream of cryptic tweets from Elon Musk.

According to the report, analysts remain bullish on markets even as they nervously clutch novelty stress balls shaped like the Federal Reserve building. Many investors continue to dump money into AI startups, despite mounting fears that the current bubble has ballooned to the size of a small moon. “There’s a certain magic in buying whatever has ‘AI-powered’ in the name without reading the business plan,” said Jolene Draper, Chief Investment FOMO Officer at JP MorganChaseMe. “If it explodes, at least we’ll all go down together, which is beautiful in its own way.”

Meanwhile, concerns have mounted about potential disorder at the US Federal Reserve, which may soon be staffed entirely by former reality TV contestants and people whose only qualification is that their cousin met Trump once at a golf course. “We look forward to new monetary policies such as the ‘Spin the Wheel of Inflation,'” said presumed Fed Chair nominee Randy “Big Dog” Tucker, currently famous for his appearance on season 7 of ‘The Bachelor.’ “America deserves excitement in interest rates.”

Despite the risks, Wall Street remains optimistic, with analysts suggesting that if AI fails, investors can always return to the traditional, time-tested safety of Beanie Babies.

“We predict smooth sailing as long as nobody asks follow-up questions or looks at the balance sheets,” said Lacey O’Connell, a strategist at Citigroup. “Also, please don’t say ‘dotcom crash’ three times in front of a mirror.”