MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—In a bold move that experts are calling “the logical conclusion of oversharing,” Google announced Tuesday that its Gemini AI will now personalize responses by leveraging everything it knows about users from Gmail, Google Photos, Search, and YouTube—essentially, everything short of your childhood trauma.

According to Google, the update will allow Gemini to provide what the company cheerfully calls “Personal Intelligence,” which sources confirm is the polite way of saying “All Your Secrets, Now For Profit.”

“We want Gemini to finish your sentences, remember your favorite conspiracy videos, and recommend new ramen recipes based on the contents of your emails and fridge selfies,” said Dr. Harmony Snedeker, Head of Personalized Surveillance at Google. “Unlike your friends, we’ll never judge you for searching ‘Is it normal to eat 13 sleeves of Oreos in one sitting?’ twice a week.”

Google’s press release assured users that Gemini will be able to draw on years of embarrassing browser history, out-of-focus concert photos, and accidentally-sent emails to exes, in order to better anticipate user needs. “Gemini will not just know what you’re thinking, but what you’ll regret thinking next,” said company spokesperson Trent Halford.

The rollout, however, has not been without controversy. Privacy advocate Felicia Mott expressed concern: “I just hope Gemini doesn’t use my YouTube watch history to inform my job recommendations. Nobody needs to know how many slime videos I’ve watched.”

Despite the backlash, Google remains optimistic. “Users want hyper-personalized digital companionship,” Snedeker insisted. “And if you don’t, Gemini already knows that, too.”