MINNEAPOLIS—In a bold reaffirmation of America’s founding principles of safety and convenience, both Donald Trump and South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem doubled down Friday on defending the ICE agent who fatally shot Minneapolis woman Renee Nicole Macklin Good, insisting that the killing was not only self-defense but “also a critical step in national housekeeping.”

“You have to understand, in these dangerous times, a woman with a yoga mat outside a hardware store could be literally anyone—possibly even a yoga instructor,” Trump explained during a press conference held at a recently-renamed ICE shooting range. “We cannot take that risk. If we start letting people just stretch and breathe, where does it end?”

Governor Noem elaborated that the agent’s actions were textbook protocol, noting, “Our officers are trained that an act as suspicious as walking calmly while unarmed may signal deep, covert terrorism. Frankly, the only thing more suspicious would have been if she was carrying organic groceries.”

ICE spokesperson Chad Flexman clarified that the agency has recently expanded its threat matrix. “We’re not just looking at undocumented immigrants—now we’re targeting anyone who’s ever looked at a Home Depot menacingly or posted a tweet involving the words ‘community garden,’” Flexman said. “Our motto is: If in doubt, shout ‘Domestic Terrorist!’ and sort it out later.”

Eyewitnesses described agents tackling local residents with such vigor that one gym patron was “accidentally bench-pressed through the ceiling.” Officials promised a full investigation, though sources confirmed the investigating committee consists solely of ICE agents with Nerf bats.