JOGJAKARTA—As 2025 unfolds with more twists than a soap opera marathon, Indonesia’s box office executives have officially resorted to ancient rituals, cutting-edge algorithms, and a magical talking spreadsheet in a desperate bid for stability.

At a recent JAFF Market panel titled “Expert Witnesses: Indonesia’s Box Office Transformation as Seen From Home and Abroad,” industry leaders gathered to analyze the baffling volatility that continues to define the nation’s cinema market. Angga Dwimas Sasongko, filmmaker and self-proclaimed CEO-warlock of Visinema Group, stated, “One week, our animated movie about a sentient durian breaks every record. The next, a romantic comedy featuring a haunted photocopier tanks so hard we consider switching to property development.”

Pono Hermadi, who recently launched the data-driven consultancy ‘Cinema Seismograph,’ added, “Our predictive models indicate the only consistent pattern in Indonesian box office sales is a sharp increase every time someone’s grandma posts a negative review on Facebook.”

Industry veteran Susi Wulandari, serving her seventh term as President of the National Society for Counting Ticket Stubs, insists there is a cultural explanation. “Indonesians love surprise. Predictable box office numbers would ruin the excitement—like if Gojek rides suddenly cost the same every day.”

JAFF Market organizers hope next year’s panel, tentatively titled ‘Please For The Love Of God Just Watch Our Movies,’ will yield more sustainable solutions. In the meantime, producers are urged to keep sacrificing goats and spreadsheets alike.