SYDNEY — Panic was narrowly averted Thursday when local menace Darren Spittle was apprehended outside the Royal Commission venue, wearing a t-shirt bearing what officers described as “devastatingly mediocre wordplay.”

Authorities say Spittle, 43, arrived at the high-profile commission into Banking Scandals in a shirt reading, “I Got Fleeced at the Royal Commission and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt,” a quip police deemed so offensive it “threatened the sanctity of civic discourse and, possibly, lunch plans.”

“Frankly, we can’t predict what would have happened if a retired judge or minor government official had glimpsed it,” said Acting Inspector Belinda Quibble. “We intervened before anyone could be exposed to humor of such tepid quality.”

Royal Commission spokesperson Nigel Dullman expressed relief, stating, “Some witnesses are already under immense pressure. The last thing we need is a brush with subpar satire.”

Lawmakers praised first responders for their swift action. “We must remain vigilant,” said Shadow Minister for Banning Slightly Naughty Tees, Jacinta Boff. “If we tolerate this, tomorrow someone might wear socks with sandals.”

Spittle’s legal team say their client is remorseful. “He now understands the gravity of his fashion statement,” said barrister Felicity Humdrum. “He’s considering switching to plain beige.”

In related news, Parliament is fast-tracking the Shirt Humor Appropriateness Review Protocol (SHARP), expected to save countless Australians from forced chuckles.