SYDNEY — In a bold new direction for reality television, Married at First Sight producers announced this week the addition of a pet obedience segment to the hit series, following widespread criticism over a contestant’s yearning for a partner who is ‘obedient like a dog.’

Nine Entertainment CEO, Barkley Fetcher, addressed the controversy with characteristic sincerity. “The nation craves authenticity,” Fetcher said, “so our next season will pair couples and then immediately bring in a certified dog trainer, just to keep things on a leash. It’s about commitment, consistency, and treats.”

Social services minister Tanya Plibersek, who sparked the debate, doubled down on her critique: “Australians deserve programming that uplifts, not obedience charts and clicker training for spouses. If parents are letting their kids watch this, they should at least turn it off before the sit-and-beg challenge.”

Series relationship expert Dr. Kelvin Pawsworth defended the move as a teachable moment. “Learning from pack behavior is not inherently bad,” Pawsworth explained. “Alpha, beta… these are just archetypes. Next season, contestants will also howl at the moon to express vulnerability.”

Meanwhile, contestant Dave ‘Alpha’ Thompson remains unfazed. “Look, I just want a partner who’s loyal and comes when I call,” Dave barked, “preferably house-trained, but I’m flexible.”

At press time, producers were rumored to be considering agility courses and kennel confessionals for extra drama.