NAIROBI — The future is now, and apparently it’s streaming bathroom breaks live to Nairobi. According to recent reports, Meta’s AI-powered smart glasses are providing Kenyan contractors with front-row seats to the intimate daily routines of hundreds of Westerners, as part of a brave new effort to ensure privacy by sharing everything with total strangers several continents away.

Sven Johansson, Meta’s Head of Global Intimacy Analytics, confirmed the company’s commitment to quality control. “We take your privacy seriously, which is why we only send your most sensitive moments to human reviewers thousands of miles away who definitely don’t know you personally,” Johansson said. “The glasses are designed to learn and improve, and nothing helps us refine AI quite like 2,000 hours of unedited bathroom footage.”

Reviewers in Nairobi say they are, in fact, learning a great deal. Meta contractor Ndindi Wekesa expressed gratitude for the opportunity: “Before this job, I had no idea there were so many ways to brush one’s teeth naked. My colleagues and I are compiling an ethnographic report titled ‘An Illustrated Guide to Unnecessary Nudity in Western Kitchens.’”

Meta spokesperson Claudia Brands dismissed concerns of privacy violations. “Our privacy guarantee is ironclad,” Brands insisted. “We assure users that only Meta personnel and their extended families in Nairobi, plus a handful of fascinated IT interns, may view any sensitive footage.”

Legal experts are divided. Tech lawyer Maya Kibicho noted, “It’s an unprecedented case—rarely do privacy breaches double as cross-cultural education.”

As Meta’s AI glasses learn more about both privacy and the human condition, insiders suggest future updates may include a discreet ‘TMI Mode,’ automatically uploading footage directly to an exclusive Nairobi viewing party.