In a stunning act of self-preservation, New England Patriots executive Mike Vrabel announced Tuesday he would be skipping the team’s annual pre-draft press conference to personally comb through 37,000 hours of security camera footage, searching for any images of himself making direct eye contact with members of the NFL media.

Vrabel’s decision comes after grainy photos surfaced of him standing within socially acceptable distance of NFL reporter Dianna Russini, sending Patriots Nation into a tailspin. According to inside sources, the team’s state-of-the-art surveillance operation, codenamed ‘Operation No Fun,’ has been ordered to track and catalog any instances of staff not maintaining an appropriate air of suspicion around journalists.

“We take this extremely seriously,” said Patriots head of Paranoia, Greg Blount. “We have reason to believe Vrabel may have smiled, nodded, or worse—exchanged business cards with a reporter. At this stage, we can’t rule out casual banter.”

When asked for comment, Patriots owner Robert Kraft stated, “The Patriots organization holds its staff to the highest standard of non-interaction with the press. We see this as an opportunity to reinforce our tradition of saying nothing, doing nothing, and knowing nothing.”

Some fans expressed concern. Season ticket holder Marjorie Feldman told reporters, “If Vrabel is talking to the press, next thing you know, Belichick will be teaching interpretive dance on TikTok. Where does it end?”

Vrabel, currently sequestered in a windowless room with only a VCR and the 1997 NFL Media Relations Handbook, is expected to re-emerge if and when he can prove he only spoke to Russini about the weather.