NEW YORK — As America impatiently counts the minutes until the apocalyptic glory of Presidents Day deals, millions have resorted to filling the gaping void in their lives with Anker travel adapters, microSD Express cards, and TVs that pretend to be art, sources confirmed Friday.

“I told my kids I’d hold out for a doorbuster on George Washington’s birthday, but this $6 off on a Nano Travel Adapter scratched that existential itch,” confessed local dad and deal hunter Trevor Wainwright, solemnly clicking ‘Add To Cart’ for a charger capable of powering every device he owns except, crucially, his laptop. “It will almost certainly change how I experience airports.”

Meanwhile, gamers nationwide were reportedly ‘overcome by euphoria’ at the sight of the Samsung P9 microSD Express card discounted to $39.99, a staggering $15 savings “that I’ll absolutely use to store yet another copy of Madden NFL 26,” according to Switch 2 enthusiast Madison Gellar. “Now I can finally double my redundant Zelda screenshots.”

Retail experts warn that the current deals lull can be hazardous. “Without the thrill of a 48-hour flash sale, Americans risk dangerously introspective weekends,” explained retail psychologist Dr. Quentin Sprocket. “That’s why these adapter discounts are so critical to national morale.”

Early adopters of Samsung’s 43-inch Frame TV, now $597.99 at Woot, claim it’s like having a museum in your living room, except the art is mostly JPEGs and refreshes at 60Hz. “I’m pretty sure the Mona Lisa never buffered,” noted cultural critic Layla Huffman, “but at least I’ve saved $302 and can watch Stranger Things in modest style.”

At press time, thousands were seen nervously hovering over ‘Buy Now’ buttons, whispering prayers for salvation until more meaningful sales arrive.