CANBERRA — In a bold new initiative to promote fiscal fitness, the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) today revealed its much-anticipated ‘Survival Of The Fittest Charity’ business model, in which only not-for-profits able to thrive on imaginary funding will be permitted to continue operating.

Faced with median operating losses of nearly 4% and five-year losses topping 12%, disability providers are being given the rare opportunity to demonstrate their creativity in surviving on less than the cost of printer paper. “We believe true innovation flourishes when you remove all financial oxygen,” explained NDIS spokesperson Trudy Reade, unveiling the new slogan: ‘Do More With Less, Do Less With Nothing.’

The move has been celebrated by the prestigious Institute of Untenable Economics, whose director, Dr. Geoff Prang, praised the approach. “It’s long been proven that if you make life sufficiently difficult for people trying to help, the strongest—or most delusional—will prosper. It’s simply Darwinism, but with more paperwork,” Prang said.

Providers are responding enthusiastically. “I’m thrilled to be closing my doors and finally catching up on sleep,” said Mary Chantal of Helping Hands Inc., “Who knew that running a not-for-profit meant not having any profit or funding?”

NDIS officials assured remaining providers that they too would soon be eligible to participate in the scheme’s new lottery-based funding approach, dubbed ‘Disability Services Hunger Games’. “May the price caps be ever in your favour,” Reade added, before quietly changing her LinkedIn profile.