TOKYO — In a bold move destined to make both Pokémon and homeowners weep, Nintendo has unveiled Pokémon Pokopia, the world’s first life simulation where players can nurture their Bulbasaur while simultaneously drowning in property taxes.

Pokopia, which launches March 5th as the Switch 2’s flagship title, lets players build sprawling Pikachu-themed suburbs in a world “mercifully free of humans,” according to Nintendo’s announcement. Players can terraform valleys, design boutique Magikarp cafes, and even take out startlingly predatory loans from a sharply dressed Meowth named ‘Tony’—all without once battling, trading, or generally acknowledging the original point of Pokémon.

“We wanted to capture the magic of Animal Crossing but with more existential dread,” said Game Director Misaki Otobe, while demonstrating a home appraisal mini-game that penalizes you for unpaid Diglett dust removal fees. “Now, trainers can finally learn the true meaning of responsibility: soul-crushing debt and the slow decay of their Pidgeotto’s dream kitchen.”

According to early playtesters, beloved Pokémon have found new roles. “My Snorlax got a job as an Uber Eats driver and spent six hours delivering one Rattata’s oat milk latte,” shared Pokopia fan Dana Frumpkin. “He still got a two-star rating.”

Nintendo spokesperson Kenji Watanabe summed up the franchise’s new ethos: “In Pokopia, the only thing you catch is a surprise HOA inspection. Welcome home.”

Industry analysts predict Pokopia will sell 18 million copies by summer, or at least until the next title, Pokémon Bankruptcy Court, is announced.