BROOKLYN, NY—Testifying in what legal experts are calling the first federal case involving international espionage carried out entirely over WhatsApp, Asif Merchant, 47, told a Brooklyn jury that he was coerced into a plot against Donald Trump after receiving ‘several very threatening but also slightly confusing emails’ from someone claiming to be a high-ranking Iranian Revolutionary Guard and a former video game character.

“They told me if I did not participate, they would delete my wife’s Candy Crush account and also my daughter would be forced to attend four more years of public school in Tehran,” Merchant said, speaking through an Urdu translator who occasionally broke into laughter. “I had no choice. The emails came every day—always from @revolutionaryguard.ir but sometimes also from @tehranbigsale.info.”

Federal prosecutor Jenna Linsky asked Merchant why he didn’t contact authorities. “The emails said, ‘NO SNITCHING’ in all caps and used many skull emojis. This seemed very official,” Merchant replied solemnly.

Outside the courtroom, legal analyst Barry Goldblatt described the defense as ‘the boldest since the classic “dog ate my death threat” argument.’ Meanwhile, Iranian cyber-intimidator “Reza the Anxious” denied any wrongdoing. “We simply sent him some messages. Threats? Maybe. Groupons? Also maybe,” Reza told reporters via encrypted TikTok voice memo.

At press time, Judge Alfred Kleinman reminded the jury that the trial was not about international intrigue but rather ‘the alarming ability of the world’s worst spammers to accidentally recruit foreign nationals for murder plots.’