CLACTON-ON-SEA—Facing explosive accusations of electoral expense irregularities, Reform UK has strenuously denied any wrongdoing after former aide Trevor Pickles claimed party accountants reported campaign expenses including £4 million for ‘Broken Brexit Promises Repairs,’ £1,200 for ‘Nigel’s Makeup Nap Room,’ and £600 for a specially imported Union Jack hot tub.

Party leader Nigel Farage, who last year clinched the Clacton seat in a landslide, brushed off allegations at a hastily convened press conference, insisting, “Every penny spent was in the service of democracy, or at the very least, the service of democracy’s minibar.”

Critics allege Reform UK’s campaign filings list such line items as ‘Emotional Damages to Constituents After Meeting Nigel,’ ‘Inflatable Churchill for Street Parades,’ and, mysteriously, ‘Six Dozen Anti-Woke Party Hats.’ Police now say they are reviewing whether ‘expense claims written in crayon and sealed with a pint of warm ale’ meet the requirements of electoral law.

“Look, if you can’t buy voter trust with a fleet of Nigel-faced hovercrafts, what’s the point of politics?” said campaign treasurer Blanche Swindleton, who declined further comment from the back seat of a gold-plated Land Rover.

A party spokesperson explained, “Any confusion is due to our new ‘imaginative accounting’ strategy, which is perfectly legal if you believe in yourself.”

Essex Police confirmed they are investigating, though added, “Frankly, we’re just impressed they managed to get the receipts submitted at all.”