In remarks that sent shockwaves through the federal nutrition establishment, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. on Tuesday openly questioned the continued existence of President Donald Trump, whose legendary eating habits reportedly consist of a rotating menu of bucket-sized KFC meals, Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, and intravenously administered Diet Coke.

“I have studied human physiology and nutrition for decades, and nothing about President Trump’s survival makes scientific sense,” Kennedy Jr. stated during an impromptu press conference outside the White House, moments after watching the Commander-in-Chief inhale an entire family-size pizza without pausing for breath. “It is as though the laws of biology simply do not apply to this man.”

According to unnamed White House kitchen sources, Trump begins his day with a ritualistic breakfast of twelve Egg McMuffins, chased by a 64-ounce Mountain Dew and a fistful of Skittles. Lunch is reportedly ‘whatever the Secret Service can find at the nearest drive-thru.’ “He once ordered nachos, a milkshake, and 27 chicken nuggets at a single sitting—all before noon,” claimed White House chef Benny McGriddle. “We’ve stopped ordering vegetables. The last time we served broccoli, he built a wall out of it.”

While some medical professionals are baffled, others seem resigned. “Frankly, we’ve given up trying to explain it,” admitted Dr. Linda Cantaloupe, chief White House physician. “At this point, we’re just swapping out his blood with chipotle sauce and seeing what happens.”

Congressional leaders are reportedly considering the formation of a bipartisan Select Committee on Presidential Vitality, tasked with determining whether Trump is, in fact, powered by spite alone.