HOLLYWOOD, CA — In a triumph for the cinematic arts and cutlery awareness, “Scream 7” sliced through box office expectations this weekend with a blood-splattered $64 million debut, marking the first time a slasher film has doubled as a public service announcement for responsible stabbing techniques.

Paramount and Spyglass Media have confirmed that the 30-year-old franchise not only shattered its own records, but also inadvertently educated an entire generation of moviegoers on what not to do in a kitchen. “We’re thrilled that Ghostface is finally being recognized as the Mr. Rogers of weapon etiquette,” said franchise producer Linda Craven, who noted that the film received a Gold Star from the American Association of Knife Sharpeners.

Yet not all experts are celebrating. Dr. Paul Menard, head surgeon at St. Bartholomew’s Regional, warned, “Between Ghostface’s ghostly agility and his complete disregard for OSHA standards, we’re expecting an uptick in home lacerations by at least 60%. Please, folks, don’t run with knives, no matter how compelling the soundtrack.”

Audience members seem unfazed. Longtime fan Shelly Rodriguez praised the movie’s realism: “I’d never seen anyone answer the phone with a machete before, but now it just makes sense. Scream 7 taught me that every awkward conversation can be improved with a dramatic kitchen entrance.”

At press time, Paramount announced plans for “Scream 8: Ghostface Gets a Food Handler’s Permit,” projected to open next fall.