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Seattle Mariners Pitcher Who Made Being a Trade Footnote a Fine Art Leaves Baseball World Wondering Who Will Now Be Included in Blockbuster Deals

SEATTLE, WA — The baseball community was plunged into a state of mild confusion this week upon learning that former Mariners pitcher—and renowned trade-package filler—Mike Campbell, 61, has died, leaving a position open for someone else to be the ‘guy you throw in to make the trade work.’

Campbell, noted as ‘that other guy’ in the 1989 Randy Johnson trade, was remembered for his unique ability to sweeten the pot without actually changing anyone’s mind about the deal. Mariners historian Rick “Stat Sheet” Willard recalled, “Most guys get traded for prospects, or cash, or the dream of future glory. Mike was traded for an even rarer commodity: good vibes and a half-eaten bag of sunflower seeds.”

Campbell’s first-round selection status in 1985 cemented his legacy as the platonic ideal of ‘remember that guy’ syndrome among baseball fans. “When I heard Mike had passed, I immediately thought, ‘Who?’” said longtime Mariners diehard Janine Gibbons. “Then I googled him and remembered he was part of the answer to a trivia question I always get wrong.”

Major League Baseball has not yet announced plans to retire the ceremonial ‘Included In Trade’ jersey, but Mariners General Manager Jerry Dipoto confirmed that, in Campbell’s honor, the team will now send all future trade players with a handwritten note that reads, ‘You too could be the next Mike Campbell.’

As the league reflects, experts are left to wonder who will next ascend to the cherished role of ‘Trade Throw-In Guy.’ As fellow ex-Mariner Tim Leary told reporters, “His ERA was high, but his value as a footnote? Absolutely Hall of Fame.”

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