WASHINGTON—In a display of legislative ingenuity not seen since the great debt ceiling standoffs of yesteryear, Senate Democrats announced Tuesday they are considering a bold, short-term deal to keep the government running by literally buying three more operational days with a Kohl’s coupon Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer discovered in Nancy Pelosi’s purse.

“We’re proud to announce this creative solution,” said Senator Dianne Triviani (D-NY), adjusting the expired coupon stapled to her lapel. “Thanks to some savvy purse-diving and bipartisan digging beneath couch cushions, we’ve ensured Americans will not lose access to vital government services until at least Friday at noon, or whenever the cashier notices the coupon has already been used.”

The deal is meant to buy Democrats time to negotiate an extensive new set of rules for federal immigration agents, including a ban on wearing masks, required participation in weekly trust falls, and a point-based merit badge system for good deportation manners. Republicans responded by offering their own plan: renaming the Department of Homeland Security to ‘Border Funland’ and requiring all agents to wear lederhosen.

Asked whether this type of short-term solution was sustainable, Senator Mo Bunion (D-WA) replied, “Listen, we can do this forever. We’ve got a whole stack of Panera Bread gift cards and a commemorative Obama quarter. Shutdowns only happen when we run out of ingenuity—or coupons.”

An aide close to the negotiations confirmed, “We’re hoping to bring government funding into the 21st century by crowdsourcing the deficit on GoFundMe. We already raised $27 and three free coffees. If everyone pitches in, we’ll make it to next week.”