In a landmark 6-3 decision this week, the Supreme Court ruled that mail-in ballots for the upcoming midterm elections must now be hand-delivered by a government-certified carrier pigeon sporting an official ‘Make America Great Again’ hat, dramatically reshaping the way Americans vote—assuming, of course, they can catch their assigned bird.

The ruling, which lifts a Massachusetts injunction on President Trump’s executive order, is expected to affect millions of voters, most of whom have never personally met a pigeon, let alone fitted one with tiny headwear. Proponents hailed the decision as a necessary step to stop what Trump called ‘the Great Mail-In Hoax,’ a threat he compared to “locust plagues, except the locusts are votes I don’t like.”

Chief Justice John Roberts, writing for the majority, explained, “The American voter must demonstrate not only their eligibility, but their determination. If you really want to vote, you’ll gladly chase a pigeon through the streets of your district.”

Election integrity expert Patricia Swindella praised the move: “For too long, fraudsters have taken advantage of the postal service’s liberal, envelope-based policies. By requiring headwear and live animals, we ensure only the most dedicated, patriotic Americans decide our future.”

Meanwhile, dissenting Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson wrote, “This decision unleashes not only chaos, but potentially thousands of unsupervised pigeons into suburban neighborhoods. The consequences for democracy and freshly washed cars are unknowable.”

The Trump campaign is reportedly already mass-ordering avian hats, while the National Association of Carrier Pigeons has threatened to strike, citing ‘fowl play.’