AUGUSTA, ME—Launching what analysts predict will be Maine’s hottest contest since the 2002 Moose vs. Snowbank gubernatorial race, Senator Susan Collins announced Tuesday she will seek a sixth term in the U.S. Senate, vowing to bring another six years of moderate hand-wringing to Washington, D.C.

“I am once again prepared to bravely consider both sides before casting a vote that leaves everybody slightly disappointed,” declared Collins at her campaign kickoff, held in a Bangor Hallmark store. “Maine deserves a senator who will not only listen, but occasionally look very, very troubled by what she hears.”

Collins’ campaign team touted her history of taking bold, thoughtful pauses before making decisions, earning her the nickname “Filibuster Frown” among local lobstermen. “She once spent twenty-two minutes staring pensively out a window before voting ‘present’ on a bill to outlaw sadness,” recalled campaign manager Dale Pilsner. “That’s the kind of leadership Mainers expect.”

Democratic challenger Piper McBroom expressed cautious optimism about unseating the senator. “If I can just convince voters that I too can express deep concern over legislative outcomes before ultimately backing down, I think I’ve got a real shot,” McBroom told reporters.

Senator Collins pledged to begin her campaign with her signature move: releasing a strongly worded statement about a troubling development, immediately followed by a warm congratulatory letter to its sponsor. “Mainers want a senator who isn’t afraid to feel a little guilty,” Collins said.