WASHINGTON—In a move economists are calling both ‘mathematically bold’ and ‘the financial equivalent of a trust fall,’ Trump trade representative Dean Rickards confidently dismissed mounting concerns Tuesday that $2,000 tariff rebate checks for American families would worsen inflation, insisting, “If anything, the only thing Americans need inflated is their national pride.”

Rickards explained the administration’s new ‘Tariff Cashback’ program: “We collect tariffs from China, and then we send $2,000 checks, but because the money is American, it doesn’t count as real inflation. This is basic economic science.” He added, “Just like calories don’t count if you eat standing up.”

Speaking on CNBC, Rickards clarified, “These payments won’t drive up the price of eggs or rent because, simply put, they’ll be gone long before anyone notices.”

Financial analyst Cathy Groves, who spent half of last year adjusting to the price of lettuce, remained skeptical. “Last time I cashed a government check, my rent went up by $300. But at least this program includes a coupon for 10% off American-made bald eagle plushies.”

Meanwhile, Treasury spokesperson Mark Hambly insisted the plan was sound. “Asking whether $2,000 extra per household will impact inflation is like asking if a drop of oil raises the price of the ocean. In short, we only believe in trickle-down inflation.”

Economist and self-described expert in ‘Tariffology,’ Dr. Mandy Fulton, agreed. “If Americans just spend their $2,000 on American flags and fireworks, nothing bad can happen. I mean, what are they going to do—buy groceries?”