WASHINGTON, D.C.—Bracing for what White House staff described as the ‘most combustible lunch since Nixon met disco,’ President Donald Trump will host New York City’s mayor-elect, Zohran Mamdani, marking the first recorded instance of a billionaire property mogul voluntarily entering a room with a socialist who knows what rent control is.

Sources reveal the two leaders, whose views on how many billionaires a society needs differ by approximately 98%, will discuss urban policy, mutual insults, and the limits of the First Amendment when used on Twitter. The White House chef, reportedly uncertain whether to prepare caviar or ethically-sourced lentils, has been placed on unpaid administrative leave out of sheer existential confusion.

“Finally, someone I can really reach across the aisle to strangle,” said Trump, referencing his time-honored approach to bipartisanship. Meanwhile, Mamdani expressed confidence: “I’m coming to the White House to negotiate. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just seize the means of production and call it even.”

Observers anticipate tense moments, especially after Trump’s recent remarks labeling Mamdani a ‘communist lunatic,’ and Mamdani’s pledge to ‘Trump-proof’ New York by replacing all subway ads with pamphlets on dialectical materialism. Sources inside the Secret Service say the odds of the meeting ending in a Hamilton-inspired rap battle are ‘unacceptably high.’

“Honestly, we just hope they both remember to use their inside voices,” said Secret Service agent Carl Pennington. “And if not, we’ve got earplugs and a large novelty foam hammer on standby.”