In a bold escalation of American foreign policy, President Donald Trump unveiled a visionary plan on Wednesday to construct a ‘beautiful, impenetrable wall’ in the Caribbean Sea around Venezuela, vowing that the country’s “very oily, very rich” government would foot the bill.

“We’re going to stop all the tankers, all the barrels, all the oil,” Trump told reporters, gesturing with a toy boat at a hastily assembled press conference held in the Mar-a-Lago pool. “Nobody gets in. Nobody gets out. They have so much oil, folks. We’ll keep it right where it is until they start behaving—like letting us have some.”

The White House described the maritime blockade as part of Operation Slippery Slope, a multi-pronged approach to prevent Venezuela’s President Nicolás Maduro from “using oil to buy things, pay for stuff, or generally have a good time.”

State Department expert and part-time tugboat enthusiast Reginald Brinewater explained, “The wall will be made of American innovation and really long pool noodles. This is about democracy, and also making our fuel prices a little less awkward.”

While critics have called the blockade ‘piracy,’ Secretary of Energy Betsy Barrel denied any nefarious motives. “If we can’t have their oil, nobody can. It’s called sharing.”

Maduro, for his part, has responded by threatening to surround Mar-a-Lago with inflatable flamingos, claiming, “Two can play at aquatic intimidation.”

The administration is now reportedly considering extending the sea wall idea to other global hotspots and, if feasible, around New Jersey.