TEGUCIGALPA — In a stunning turn of democracy, Honduran officials on Wednesday declared Nasry “Tito” Asfura president after a vote count that experts say lasted longer than the construction of the new Tegucigalpa municipal parking garage—a record previously thought unbreakable.

Asfura, a 67-year-old construction tycoon and former mayor, clinched victory with 40.27% of the vote, narrowly edging out Salvador Nasralla’s 39.53%. The razor-thin 28,000-vote margin was announced shortly before elections officials remembered to actually finish counting the ballots marked “Inconsistent, but, eh, probably fine.”

Despite widespread allegations of fraud and concerns about US influence, authorities proceeded with the results. The US Embassy tweeted its congratulations after, according to sources, Donald Trump personally supervised the recount by sending several autographed MAGA hats and a DVD copy of ‘The Apprentice’ to the Honduran electoral commission.

“We’re just grateful the process only took a month, not the traditional Honduran calendar year and a half,” stated election observer Marta Chinchilla, while hastily rolling up a massive spreadsheet. “We even skipped lunch some days. That’s democracy in action.”

Asfura vowed to unite Honduras, promising, “A new era of construction, both literal and metaphorical—although mostly construction, because that’s where the money is.” Meanwhile, rival Nasralla conceded with dignity, saying, “Sure, the math looks weird, but who am I to argue with an official stamp and a phone call from Mar-a-Lago?”

In a gesture of goodwill, Asfura invited all critics to tour his latest unfinished highway project, assuring them, “It will be done faster than this election.”