PALM BEACH, FL—In a bold new strategy to ensure what he called ‘mathematical fairness,’ former President Donald Trump suggested Monday that Republicans should simply ‘take over’ and ‘nationalize’ elections in 15 states, explaining, ‘If we count all the votes, we win. If they count them, who knows?’

During an appearance on the ‘Liberty Lunch Hour With Chet,’ Trump outlined his vision for what he termed ‘patriotic voting math.’ ‘People say elections should be free and fair,’ said Trump, ‘but I say they should be free and Republican. It’s the only way to protect democracy—from, you know, immigrants and people with different opinions.’

GOP strategist Rex Marlowe applauded the plan, claiming, ‘Finally, someone’s standing up for the sacred principle of never losing again. If elections are run like Trump casinos, it’s a guaranteed win—except for the non-Republicans.’

Trump also cited the need to prevent noncitizen voting, stating, ‘They’re pouring over the border with handfuls of ballots. I’ve seen it. They vote in Spanish, French, and sometimes even Canadian.’

Florida Secretary of Elections Pam Sturgeon praised the proposal, saying, ‘Nationalizing elections is the only way to stop rare, anecdotal stories from haunting our nation’s sleep. Also, I love power.’

When asked how this plan would protect democracy, Trump explained, ‘It’s simple: Republicans overseeing Republicans. It’s checks and balances—the checks go to me, we balance the ballots.’