In a stunning reversal of longstanding U.S. foreign policy logic, President Donald Trump announced Friday morning that he had called off a second round of military strikes against Venezuela after discovering that, contrary to Pentagon folklore, governments sometimes respond to requests and not just explosions.

“Turns out, if you tell people what you want, sometimes they do it—who knew?” Trump explained from the White House Rose Garden, triumphantly waving a signed napkin allegedly confirming Venezuela’s cooperation on oil infrastructure and ‘the peace thing.’ “I asked President Maduro to release some prisoners and open up the oil spigots, and just like magic, it happened. I’m a natural negotiator. I canceled the bombs myself.”

A White House official, speaking on condition of anonymity because they were hiding under a desk, elaborated: “The President was ready to launch Freedom Wave II™, but then the Venezuelan ambassador emailed him a really polite letter. It was all very cordial. We even got a coupon for discounted crude. Honestly, it felt wrong to blow them up after that.”

Meanwhile, National Security Advisor John Bolton reportedly tried to salvage the mood by suggesting military action against “literally anyone with palm trees,” but was distracted when someone mentioned an all-you-can-eat taco buffet in the Situation Room.

Opposition leader Juan Guaidó welcomed the meeting scheduled with Trump, stating, “I’m just glad the President realized there are more ways to solve problems than drone strikes. Maybe next he’ll solve the opioid crisis with a strongly worded tweet.”

With the second attack canceled, sources confirm Pentagon planners are now investigating whether other world crises could be solved using conversation, coupons, or polite applause.