President Donald Trump announced Friday that the United States conducted a devastating, totally real military strike against what he described as ‘some kind of big facility’ in Venezuela, possibly a plant, factory, or really large Wendy’s drive-thru, though precise details remain classified, unknown, or possibly just made up.

‘We hit them hard. Boom. They had a big thing there—nobody knows what it was, but trust me, it was very important. Everybody’s talking about it,’ Trump told Republican mega-donor and part-time amateur magician John Catsimatidis. ‘Could have been a factory, or like a giant warehouse. Biggest facility you’ve ever seen.’

White House Press Secretary Benji Fuddpucker refused to comment on specifics but assured reporters, ‘The President always knows what he’s talking about. Except when he doesn’t. But either way, Venezuela’s definitely missing something big now.’ National Security Advisor Chet Tumbleweed later clarified, ‘Intelligence reports confirm the facility once stored Venezuelan yucca, several mopeds, or possibly a small blimp. This is a major blow to whatever it was.’

Eyewitnesses in Caracas reported no unusual activity, though local resident María López admitted, ‘My cousin’s friend’s dog seemed anxious, so yes, I suppose this all makes sense.’

Congressional leaders are now demanding to know if the strike involved actual military action or just the President shouting into a very large megaphone across the Caribbean. Trump concluded, ‘Let’s see Maduro fix THAT—whatever it was.’