PALM BEACH, FL—In a move that experts are calling “decisively theatrical and vaguely breakfast-themed,” former President Donald Trump announced the immediate severing of all diplomatic relations with the household of George and Amal Clooney following the couple’s acquisition of French citizenship. The ex-president delivered the news via an emergency post on Truth Social, declaring the Clooneys “enemy actors and political clairvoyants with the accuracy of an unplugged Magic 8 Ball.”

“Frankly, they’re moving to France for the bread, but also because they finally found a country that appreciates their advice as much as it ignores it,” Trump wrote. He further suggested that French President Emmanuel Macron was “desperately looking for new consultants to ignore.”

A White House source—who requested anonymity but was only willing to answer to ‘Pepe le Press Secretary’—confirmed to reporters, “We have received no guidance from the Clooneys since their move, which has been a huge relief for both nations. The croissant-to-political-insight ratio is finally at sustainable levels.”

Film critic Valerie Dijon weighed in, lamenting, “George’s last attempt at French cinema was a 12-minute lecture on electoral college reform delivered entirely in mime. Honestly, we’re still recovering.”

Meanwhile, Trump loyalist and noted geographical expert Chuck Sobchak commented, “I looked up where France was, and now I can’t find my globe. I blame Clooney.”

The Clooneys could not be reached for comment, as they were reportedly trapped in a Parisian roundabout performing a 47-point U-turn in an electric Smart car.