In an unprecedented diplomatic spectacle that has left heads spinning and puppet enthusiasts delighted, Donald Trump has officially been declared Vladimir Putin’s puppet in the newly brokered peace deal to end the war in Ukraine. Sources reveal that the deal involves Trump operating under a complex network of strings, pulleys, and even some blinking LED eyes controlled by Putin himself from a secret Kremlin workshop.

The peace arrangement, dubbed “Operation Yuge Peace,” was announced after Trump was seen taking orders via a hidden teleprompter in his signature Russian fur hat, responding only in phrases like “Great deal, believe me” and “Make Ukraine Peace Again.” According to Igor Smirnov, Chief Puppetmaster at the Kremlin’s Department of Puppet Diplomacy, “This is the most advanced puppet diplomacy since the days of sock puppets and marionettes. Trump’s compliance rate is 92%, slightly lower than our Kazakh wooden doll prototype, but still impressive.”

The White House, now reportedly outfitted with a giant marionette stage, released a statement praising the deal’s “transparency and responsiveness to Putin’s cues.” Meanwhile, veteran analyst Karen McMann, author of Strings Attached: International Relations for Dummies, commented, “I’ve never seen a peace process so literally dependent on a guy who hasn’t stopped talking about his wall and his golf scores.”

Witnesses report that the peace talks involved Trump performing puppet-like hand gestures on command and reciting Russian propaganda lines, while Putin chuckled on a monitor. In one moment, Trump was seen tipping an imaginary hat and saying “Very stable genius” before enthusiastically backing down on sanctions.

In the end, the world waits anxiously to see if the war will truly end or if Putin will just keep swapping Trump out as his favorite hand puppet — possibly for a new model with better hair and less tweeting.