In a bold display of 21st-century expansionism, former President Donald Trump announced Friday that Venezuela has been officially annexed as the 51st state of the United States, pending legislation and ‘a really terrific new flag design.’

The announcement, made from the golden first-class lavatory aboard Air Force One, came hours after the daring extraction of Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro, who was reportedly placed in a Mar-a-Lago timeshare suite “for safekeeping and maybe golf lessons.”

“Folks, we’re making Venezuela great again, and honestly, it’s already looking a lot like Miami,” Trump told reporters, holding up a crude map labeled ‘Trumpsuela.’ “The oil is flowing, and so are the margaritas. American companies are ready to help themselves—sorry, help Venezuela!”

Provisional Governor Eric Trump held his own press conference from Caracas, vowing to “bring American values like free refills and confusing election ballots,” before sampling a barrel of light sweet crude on live TV. “Tastes just like my dad said: high energy.”

International reaction has been muted, with British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak commenting, “Frankly, we’re just relieved it wasn’t another Scottish golf course,” while French President Emmanuel Macron offered travel advice, suggesting, “If you go to New Venezuela, bring sunscreen and a lawyer.”

White House Press Secretary Janice Meadows later clarified, “This is a routine act of democracy promotion. Please see the pamphlet titled ‘How to Welcome Your New Leader: A Guide for Former Heads of State.'”