GENEVA—Former President Donald Trump reportedly voiced his deep disappointment Sunday after Ukraine failed to express proper gratitude for his proposed peace plan—one that, according to several diplomats, was apparently written on official Kremlin letterhead and scented with fresh borscht.

“I just thought they would send a nice card, maybe an edible arrangement, just something to say thanks,” Trump told reporters, waving a document featuring Cyrillic script and a doodle of a bear riding a missile. “Instead, all I got was a cold shoulder. Where is the love?”

The Trump campaign’s celebrated ‘Ukraine Solution,’ which experts noted demanded Kyiv hand over ‘anything Russia wants, plus a weekend at Zelenskyy’s dacha,’ was presented to negotiators in Switzerland. US Secretary of State Marco Rubio admitted, “There was a minor translation error. Where it says ‘Crimea,’ just cross that out and write ‘all of Ukraine.’ President Putin, I mean, President Trump, has huge respect for international process.”

Polish President Donald Tusk, reportedly baffled by the document’s origin, mused, “I’m not sure if this peace plan was delivered by diplomatic pouch or by carrier pigeon from Red Square. Either way, the watermark says ‘Property of Russian Federation.’”

Meanwhile, Trump surrogate Rudy Giuliani insisted gratitude was owed: “This is the best deal Ukraine could possibly get, written by people who truly understand Russia’s needs. If I got a deal like this, I’d be throwing a parade!”

As of press time, Ukraine had neither surrendered nor dispatched an edible arrangement, leading Trump to threaten the revocation of future peace plans until thank-you notes are received.