PALM BEACH, FL—In a televised address from Mar-a-Lago following his recent arraignment, former president and aspiring stand-up comedian Donald Trump attempted to clarify his decision to attack the judge and his family by citing his deep admiration for “classic roast comedy nights.”

“Frankly, I thought everyone enjoyed a little razzing,” Trump told supporters, pausing to check if the camera was catching his best side. “They roast me all the time, so why can’t I roast the judge’s cousin’s dog? Fair is fair.”

Political etiquette experts have long been divided on the best ways to respond to felony charges, with most suggesting legal defense or silence, and fewer recommending targeting entire judicial bloodlines. Trump loyalist and aspiring court jester Rudy Giuliani insisted the remarks were misinterpreted: “Donald just wanted to lighten the mood. Next time, he’ll bring a rubber chicken.”

Meanwhile, Trump’s press secretary Penelope Blurt insisted the speech was simply a precursor to an upcoming Netflix special. “He’s workshopping new material—wait until you hear what he has on the jury’s hobbies. America isn’t ready.”

Legal analyst Dirk Fuddlebottom weighed in, suggesting, “Historically, attacking a judge’s extended family tree is considered the fifth stage of legal grief. Right after denial, anger, bargaining, and insult comics.”

As the nation eagerly awaits both the next court date and Trump’s rumored roast battle with the bailiff, the campaign has announced its latest slogan: “Make Arraignments Fun Again.”