WASHINGTON—In a heartfelt moment during his Kennedy Center speech Tuesday, former President Donald Trump paused to honor the late Rep. Doug LaMalfa (R-CA), who, according to everyone except Trump, is still very much alive and attending the event.

“We lost a great one today—Doug LaMalfa was a tremendous guy, very loyal, even if sometimes he didn’t remember my birthday. But he’s gone now, folks. Gone,” Trump declared, making direct eye contact with a visibly confused LaMalfa, who waved back from the second row.

While staffers scrambled to clarify, Trump pressed on: “Doug always told me, ‘Mr. President, you have the best hair in the Capitol, maybe in the world.’ That’s a real compliment coming from a guy with such thick sideburns.”

Fellow Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene was quick to offer support: “We’re all shocked by Doug’s passing, mostly because he’s sitting next to me right now. But if the President says you’re dead, you salute the flag and ascend to heaven—those are the rules.”

LaMalfa, once introduced, approached the podium and whispered, “I think there’s been a mix-up,” before being swiftly escorted offstage by Secret Service, just in case.

Fact-checkers noted for the record that Rep. LaMalfa had only missed lunch, not life, earlier in the day. The House cafeteria later confirmed he was seen purchasing Jell-O at 1:05 p.m.

As of press time, Trump had dedicated his pudding cup to the memory of several Congressmen who are currently jogging on the National Mall.