After months of anticipation and increasingly frantic Google alerts, Trump Mobile’s much-hyped T1 Phone 8002 (Gold Edition, American Values Collector’s Series) remains as elusive as a tax return, prompting speculation that it exists only in the same fantasy realm as trickle-down economics and honest politicians.

While the company originally promised the device would be “100% American made,” the latest website update clarifies that the phone will be “designed with American values in mind, such as freedom, family, and suspiciously high tariffs.”

Lead engineer Chad Bigley says the delay is due to “visionary” last-minute tweaks: “President Trump personally requested a ‘Big Button’ for instant truth social posts. We’re still trying to decide if pressing it should make a sound, summon the Space Force, or just crash the phone.”

Consumers haven’t lost hope. “I pre-ordered seven for my grandkids on Day One. They keep asking when they can call Santa from Mar-a-Lago,” said early adopter Marlene Hucklebee, who has received weekly $15 ‘patriot support’ charges instead.

Meanwhile, customer support manager Lauren Krowell clarified the situation: “No, we don’t offer SIM cards yet, but you do get a free karaoke version of ‘YMCA’ with every pre-order. And a red hat. Please stop emailing me.”

As the T1’s arrival slips into another fiscal quarter, the official FAQ page has expanded to include helpful new sections: “Does the Trump Phone exist yet?” “Where is the Trump Phone?” and “What is a phone?”

Industry analyst Rick Tanners offered reassurance: “Look, the delay is a feature, not a bug. What could be more American than waiting indefinitely for a product that may or may not work?”