PALM BEACH, FL—Expressing deep disappointment in the limits of absolute power, former President Donald Trump lashed out Thursday at Texas Democrat Henry Cuellar for refusing to switch parties, despite the minor gesture of a full presidential pardon and, reportedly, a coupon for 10% off at Trump Tower’s gift shop.

“Look, when I pardon someone, I expect the very least—lifelong loyalty, a MAGA hat selfie, and total fealty,” Trump told reporters from his golden Mar-a-Lago escalator, adding, “Frankly, I’m considering revoking his pardon and sending him a bill for my time.”

Trump’s frustration comes just days after Cuellar and his wife, Imelda, received a rare, bipartisan pardon for their alleged acceptance of thousands in bribes from Azerbaijan and a Mexican bank—known by some as ‘the international two-step.’ In a press statement, Cuellar thanked Trump for the gesture but reminded supporters, “I promised my donors I would remain a Democrat, and I can’t break two promises in one week. That would just be greedy.”

Political analyst Brock Danforth, speaking outside the Texas State Capitol, noted, “There’s a strong American tradition of pardons as a transactional loyalty test. The real surprise is that Trump didn’t throw in a loyalty punch card: seven pardons and you’re automatically re-registered Republican.”

Sources say Trump’s team is now considering a new policy requiring future pardon recipients to sign a legally binding agreement to appear at three rallies, defend Trump’s golf handicap online, and post a minimum of five anti-Biden memes weekly.