Tensions between the US and the EU boiled over Tuesday after former President Donald Trump revealed his long-awaited ‘Board of Peace’ for Gaza, which insiders confirm is literally a fold-out card table at Mar-a-Lago, surrounded by three life-size cardboard cutouts of Ivanka Trump, a golden retriever, and a framed TIME Magazine cover of himself.

EU head of foreign policy Kaja Kallas denounced the initiative, claiming that the Board of Peace offered ‘about as much Palestinian accountability as a Monopoly game run by a toddler.’ Kallas noted, ‘We asked to observe, but the only invitation we got was an email offering us 10% off at Trump Steaks.’

Spanish Foreign Minister José Manuel Albares expressed further concern: ‘Apparently, decisions are made by whoever draws the highest card. If you’re not Donald Trump, the deck is all Jokers.’ Albares also stated that the EU’s decades of financial aid to the Palestinian Authority ‘have apparently been replaced by a promise from Trump to send a shipment of leftover Trump University diplomas.’

The Trump team, however, remains unfazed. Special Envoy Eric Trump assured reporters, ‘This is the most transparent peace process ever. You can literally see through some of the board members.’ He added that accountability to the UN was ‘overrated’ and that the only real requirement to join the Board was a willingness to eat an entire bucket of KFC during each session.

At press time, the Board of Peace was reportedly deadlocked on the next step for Gaza, with the golden retriever abstaining and the TIME Magazine cover voting against any plan that doesn’t involve naming something after Trump.