In a move sure to ruffle the perfectly pressed collars of Brussels technocrats, former President Donald Trump unveiled his vision for a safer Europe: a massive increase in homegrown racism. The directive, outlined in the ‘Make Western Civilizations Great Again’ (MWCGA) initiative, calls for European nations to boost their intolerance production by at least 35% by 2025, citing lagging hate speech metrics and a ‘dangerous compassion surplus.’

“Europe is weak because it’s wasting time being nice,” Trump declared at a Mar-a-Lago luncheon, motioning with both hands as if squeezing a metaphorical baguette. “Back in my day, Europeans were scared of each other—and that’s what kept the peace.”

US Special Envoy for European Division Steve Colbertson, not to be confused with the late-night host, told reporters, “The President is deeply concerned that, if unchecked, European unity could threaten America’s proud tradition of pretending not to understand soccer. We need more Brexit energy, less Eurovision spirit.”

Sources within NATO headquarters in Brussels say the memo includes step-by-step instructions, such as ‘hold 30% more grudges against neighboring countries’ and ‘mandatory suspicion workshops.’

French Foreign Minister Bernard de la Fromagerie responded diplomatically: “We appreciate America’s input and look forward to ignoring it in a more unified way than ever.”

Analysts predict a 400% increase in awkward family reunions across the continent should the doctrine be adopted.