WASHINGTON, D.C.—As nations across the globe demand accountability in the Jeffrey Epstein scandal, officials in the Trump administration have reportedly adopted a bold new strategy: dramatic displays of confusion, distraction, and sudden interest in nearby wildlife.

“Frankly, I don’t even know who Epstein is, but have you seen this adorable baby deer on the White House lawn?” said Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, holding up a grainy cellphone photo during a press conference. The move came just as international reporters attempted to clarify why the United States has made no arrests or investigations into high-profile figures linked to the case. “Folks, it’s fawn season. Priorities.”

While German Chancellor Angela Merkel called for a “full accounting of the influential figures involved,” U.S. Attorney General William Barr responded by tossing confetti in the air and announcing a national “Forgetful Fun Day.” Barr later clarified, “We’re laser-focused on the things that matter, like whether the hamburger emoji should have the cheese above or below the patty.”

Sources say the administration’s approach has inspired copycats. Mar-a-Lago spokesperson Tiffany Grackle assured foreign media that “if anything illegal happened, it will be handled with the same efficiency and vigor as our ongoing investigation into how many scoops of ice cream the president receives.”

Analysts expect the U.S. to further address global outrage with a two-pronged approach: releasing a coloring book about due process and, if necessary, asking everyone to please stop talking about it already.