WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an unprecedented display of judicial hospitality, the U.S. government announced Thursday it will not only bring back Venezuelan deportees exiled to El Salvador’s infamous ‘Tanque de las Lágrimas’ prison, but will also foot their travel bill and offer a limited-edition ‘Litigate Your Rights’ experience upon re-entry.

The decision, handed down by U.S. District Judge James Boasberg, orders immigration officials to personally facilitate the return of men like Luis Muñoz Pinto, 27, who was previously treated to an accidental all-inclusive stay at a penitentiary with 6 a.m. baton wake-up calls and free tetanus exposure. “I welcome the chance to return,” Muñoz Pinto said from his underground cell, “but I’m concerned TSA agents might confuse my human rights case with my carry-on.”

Department of Homeland Security spokesperson Tiffany Dunkle assured travelers that the government is committed to a seamless transition. “Each deportee will be provided with complimentary peanuts, a choice of beverage, and a court-appointed attorney upon arrival,” Dunkle explained. “We’re even waiving the $30 ‘Unjust Exile’ baggage fee for a limited time.”

Critics, however, claim the policy is inconsiderate to those who just finished learning El Salvadoran prison slang. “I finally made friends and got a handle on the lunchroom barter system,” complained fellow deportee Ernesto Cardoza. “Now I have to start all over explaining what happened.”

Judge Boasberg concluded, “Due process is a cornerstone of American democracy, and so is a well-stamped passport. It’s only fair we offer both.”