BIRMINGHAM, AL—Sources report that University of Alabama at Birmingham football player Daquan Mitchell took a different approach to game-day prep Saturday morning, allegedly stabbing two teammates after misinterpreting what coaches described as a ‘killer instinct.’

The incident occurred just hours before kickoff against the University of South Florida, leading some fans to question the team’s pregame rituals. “We always talk about going for the jugular, but this is not what we meant,” explained Coach Larry Pritchard, nervously stacking sports clichés. “We’ll be sure to clarify metaphors at next week’s safety training.”

UAB Athletic Director Carol Simmons issued a statement assuring concerned parents: “We want to remind everyone that the only thing UAB encourages players to stab is the playbook. And even then, only with a pen.”

According to locker room sources, talks among teammates had recently included phrases such as “go for the throat” and “take no prisoners,” leading to what observers are now calling a ‘tragic misunderstanding of motivational jargon.’

Senior linebacker Trevor Middleton, who witnessed the incident, told reporters, “I just figured Daquan was psyching himself up, but then I saw the kitchen knife. In retrospect, the red bandana probably wasn’t a good omen.”

University officials say the stabbed players are in stable condition and the team’s pregame walkthroughs will now require full TSA screening. The Blazers plan to review film and idiom dictionaries before next Saturday’s matchup.