In a bold move to restore public confidence in the ongoing Mandelson file fiasco, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak today announced a new Security Committee will supervise who gets to black out bits of Peter Mandelson’s biography, insisting it’s vital the process remain ‘opaque, but in a very transparent way.’

The initiative comes after Deputy Labour Leader Angela Rayner declared only a carefully vetted committee could be trusted to decide what the public absolutely shouldn’t know about Mandelson’s mysterious past. The PM assured MPs the committee itself would soon be scrutinised by a second, even more confidential committee, thereby creating ‘an infinite regress of accountability.’

‘We’re taking this seriously,’ said newly appointed Security Committee chair Lord Fenton Butterworth, just before repeatedly blacking out his own press statement with a Sharpie. ‘Our first order of business is to redact anything that might confuse, enlighten, or amuse the public.’

Labour MP Sheila Grimbleton, who has not yet seen the files, told reporters, ‘Frankly, I’m angry I haven’t been given the chance to redact passages I don’t understand. I demand another committee to look into my exclusion!’

Meanwhile, a Downing Street spokesperson reassured concerned citizens: ‘Whether it’s Mandelson’s correspondence with shadowy lobbyists or a Waitrose discount card, the British public can rest assured no sensitive information will see the light of day—unless The Sun gets hold of it first.’