WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Department of Justice announced Thursday that it would immediately drop all fraud charges against Indian billionaire Gautam Adani after learning that Adani hired Donald Trump’s personal lawyer, a move DOJ officials said proved his innocence “beyond reasonable retainer.”

Legal analysts were stunned by the precedent, as Adani had previously faced allegations of orchestrating $250 million in bribes to Indian officials. However, in a closed-door meeting, Trump attorney Robert J. Giuffra Jr. reportedly convinced prosecutors to abandon the case by assuring them Adani would invest $10 billion in the US economy and create 15,000 very, very real jobs. “When a man hires someone with this many cable news appearances, you know he’s not hiding anything,” said DOJ spokesperson Linda Everly. “Frankly, if Mr. Adani can afford Trump’s lawyer, that money’s better off trickling down to Mar-a-Lago wait staff than sitting in escrow.”

Justice officials said they were further swayed after Giuffra showed them a signed napkin reading ‘No more crimes, promise!’, which was described as “the most legally binding contract we’ve seen this week.”

Experts say the move could create a new standard for criminal defense. “Apparently, if you want to get away with massive international fraud, all you need is a lawyer with a history of defending people who definitely didn’t do anything wrong,” said Harvard law professor Chad Sanderson, pausing to check if his résumé included enough Fox News appearances. Meanwhile, Adani issued a statement applauding the US justice system for “making business great again.”