In a bold move described by observers as ‘fittingly tranquil’, the former US Institute of Peace officially unveiled its new name this week: The Donald J. Trump Institute of Absolute Winning (DJTIAW). The decision comes amid an ongoing legal battle over the nonprofit think tank’s control, prompting some to speculate that next week’s mediation session will be held in a room full of mirrors and velvet ropes.

The rebranding ceremony featured the installation of forty-six-foot gilded letters spelling ‘TRUMP’ across the building’s façade, reportedly blocking all sunlight from the east-facing offices. ‘Peace was fine, but this just feels classier,’ said interim institute director Chad K. Barron, who was appointed after the former leadership was escorted out by Secret Service agents in matching MAGA blazers. ‘We’re swapping out dove logos for winning eagles, and negotiations will now include options for naming rights.’

Staff morale remains mixed. ‘I was hired to mediate conflicts, but now my main task is to polish the letters and hand out Trump-branded cologne ahead of summits,’ sighed senior analyst Lisa Garthman, whose business cards now read ‘Special Assistant to the Celebrity-in-Chief.’

Critics argue the change undermines the institute’s core values. ‘Naming a peace institute after Donald Trump is like naming a vegan restaurant after Colonel Sanders,’ said legal counsel Morgan Riddle, holding a severance check signed in gold Sharpie. ‘But I guess even peace is up for grabs.’

At press time, plans were underway to install a complimentary Trump Steakhouse in the lobby, with a plaque promising ‘the best, most peace-loving meat ever.’