In a move economists are calling ‘the single most transformative event since the invention of the kebab skewer,’ US and Iranian officials announced a tentative deal this week that experts agree will instantly cause Iran’s economy to blossom from a sanctioned wasteland into a thriving metropolis of Ferraris and gold-plated shawarma stands.

The agreement is expected to unfreeze billions in Iranian assets, unleash a torrent of oil exports, and, according to some analysts, immediately cause skyscrapers to materialize out of thin air. ‘We anticipate absolute utopia by Wednesday morning,’ said Dr. Hamid Javid, chief economist at the Tehran Institute for Unrealistic Expectations. ‘Iranians who couldn’t afford bread last week will soon be shopping for private islands.’

US officials remain cautiously optimistic. ‘We believe this deal not only addresses nuclear concerns, but also guarantees a future where every Iranian household has a swimming pool filled with imported Evian,’ said Deputy Assistant Undersecretary Rufus T. Clearwater, speaking from a bunker made entirely from sanctioned pistachios.

In the bustling bazaars of Tehran, optimism is at an all-time high. ‘I just sold my donkey and put it all in Iranian tech unicorn startups,’ beamed local entrepreneur Shirin Dabiri. ‘If this deal goes through, I’ll be the Mark Zuckerberg of the Caspian Sea.’

Despite some skepticism that lifting sanctions might not singlehandedly erase four decades of economic mismanagement, supporters say such doubts are “unpatriotic” and possibly “French.”