WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an unprecedented move to streamline the national blame process, the White House has announced that all current and future scandals, subpar lunch menus, and the Washington Commanders’ losing streak will be officially attributed to former President Bill Clinton, citing his recent appearance in photos released with the Epstein files.

Press Secretary Jeanine Flummox explained at Friday’s press briefing, “After thorough review, the administration has concluded that President Clinton is the most convenient scapegoat for any and all problems facing the nation. Frankly, he’s already in the photos, and we have limited Photoshop skills, so this just makes sense.”

Clinton, reportedly caught off guard while searching for his saxophone reed, has denied all recent allegations and insisted he cut ties with everything problematic, including peanut allergies, high gas prices, and Jeffrey Epstein, back in 2005. “I haven’t even seen Ghislaine Maxwell’s pool since the Bush administration,” said Clinton in a spirited statement released on Friendster.

When pressed for comment, White House Special Scapegoating Advisor Kyle Dorfman clarified, “This isn’t about one man’s decisions 20 years ago. This is about needing someone to blame for when the White House Wi-Fi is slow, or when someone steals your yogurt from the West Wing fridge.”

Legal experts say this could set a precedent for previous presidents to be blamed for future misfortunes, such as Jimmy Carter being held responsible for the next Mercury retrograde. “It’s a slippery slope, but it keeps things simple,” observed constitutional scholar Dr. Lisa Spinwell.