In what economists are calling a “once-in-a-generation correction,” the global economy has officially abandoned oil, gold, and cryptocurrency as benchmarks, opting instead to peg all value to the box office earnings of Disney’s ‘Zootopia 2.’ The animated sequel—featuring the long-awaited return of Judy Hopps, Nick Wilde, and a mysterious armadillo named Brian—has raked in $1.13 billion after just 20 days in theaters, definitively surpassing the $1.03 billion brought in by Disney’s live-action ‘Lilo & Stitch’ remake, which previously set the financial agenda for the first half of 2025.

“This is the moment all central banks have been preparing for,” said Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powlington, adjusting his rabbit ears for the press conference. “We now measure GDP in units of ‘Zootopia 2’ tickets sold. The Dow Jones is up 300,000 points—mostly due to Sloth futures.”

Film industry analysts are hailing the move as “inevitable,” given that over 35% of all human communication in 2025 is now comprised of animated mammals making puns about urban policing. “We’re on the verge of a new cultural era,” said Morgan Feldstein, Professor of Strategic Furry Studies at UCLA. “Soon, national borders will be as meaningless as the plot of ‘Zootopia 2.’”

Some critics, however, worry that the success may not be sustainable. “All it takes is one surprise hit from Illumination or Pixar with talking otters, and this whole thing comes crashing down,” warned film risk consultant Sharice Plinkerton, moments before investing her life savings in themed fox plushies.