DÜSSELDORF, GERMANY—In a heartwarming display of international cooperation, German defense giant Rheinmetall AG announced a record-shattering profit surge this week, after former President Donald Trump’s persistent demands that NATO members increase their military spending inspired a historic European shopping spree for high-end artillery, tanks, and tasteful camouflage.

Shares in Rheinmetall have tripled since 2018, with CEO Armin Papperger now regarded as “the closest thing Germany has to Iron Man, but with fewer ethical qualms.” When asked about the arms race, Papperger told shareholders, “We deeply appreciate President Trump’s leadership. Without his constant tweets threatening to ‘let Russia do whatever’, none of this would be possible.”

Analysts say the boom has transformed Papperger into the improbable face of Europe’s defense renaissance. “It’s really brought Germans together,” said company spokesperson Greta Panzer-Schmidt, “Nothing unites a nation like record profits and the faint scent of gunpowder.”

Some in Washington have also noticed the ripple effects. “I for one am just glad that my tough talk about NATO is finally putting food on the table for struggling arms dealers,” said former Trump aide Wilbur Bunker, who now serves as a ‘consultant’ for Rheinmetall. When pressed for details, Bunker clarified, “Mostly schnitzels.”

To celebrate the windfall, Rheinmetall has unveiled a new ‘Thank You, Donald’ limited-edition battle tank, described as “yuge, with a gold-plated cupholder.”

As tensions escalate, Papperger remains optimistic: “At the end of the day, we may be facing a new Cold War, but business has never been hotter.”