WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a stunning move hailed by accountants everywhere, President Trump and Environmental Secretary Lee Zeldin unveiled a cost-cutting climate policy Thursday: Stop counting all the expensive climate stuff and voila, instant national savings.

“When you stop including the costs, the costs go way down. It’s basic math, folks,” explained Zeldin at a press conference, standing in front of a large spreadsheet labeled ‘Column of Things We Ignore.’ “If we don’t count greenhouse gases, they’re free. America gets to save $1.3 trillion and the problem just solves itself.”

The new regulation, which repeals the EPA’s ‘endangerment finding’ and deletes several tabs from an Excel file, is expected to have wide-reaching effects—on financial statements, if not the actual climate. Critics, however, point out that the administration’s own analysis shows gas prices will rise and emissions will, in fact, continue to exist. When asked about this, Zeldin replied, “If emissions become too expensive, we’ll simply reclassify them as patriotic vapor.”

White House economic advisor Trent Chumley defended the rollback, stating, “We found that by erasing the science, we save money on both research and erasers. It’s win-win.”

Meanwhile, local motorist Janet Pewter expressed enthusiasm for the plan: “I was worried about climate change, but now that it’s no longer recognized by the government, my Ford Expedition just feels lighter.”

The administration says it will soon apply this new accounting strategy to other costly problems, beginning with potholes, national debt, and Mondays.