PALM BEACH, FL — In a bold attempt to secure a place in the Guinness Book of Diplomatic Records, former President Donald Trump released an eight-minute video at 2:30 a.m. in which he reportedly reversed 53 years of U.S. foreign policy, recognized several new governments, and potentially declared war on a sovereign nation—all before breakfast.

Wearing his signature white ‘USA’ cap with a matching open-collar shirt and jacket, Trump broadcast the announcement from what aides described as the “Lincoln Bedroom of Mar-a-Lago” to a captivated audience of three insomniac advisors and a confused pool boy. “I call this the Art of the Deal, Middle East Edition,” Trump declared, while gesturing toward a hastily assembled map of the region from the Risk board game. “Nobody changes regimes faster.”

Critics quickly weighed in. “I thought George W. Bush had this award locked up, but Trump definitely raised the bar for disastrous creativity,” remarked Dr. Penelope Harkness, Professor of Catastrophic Studies at Georgetown. “It’s impressive and terrifying. Mostly terrifying.”

White House Press Secretary-for-Life Sean Spicer issued a statement: “What President Trump did in eight minutes usually takes decades—if it’s possible at all. We’re still figuring out which countries we technically exist in now.”

Meanwhile, the Guinness World Records office confirmed receipt of Trump’s application and is “urgently consulting international law.”

At press time, a Mar-a-Lago maintenance worker reported several strange, unmarked flags appearing around the pool.