WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold display of legislative efficiency, Congress voted Friday to extend the nation’s beloved tradition of warrantless surveillance by a whole ten days, delighting everyone who enjoys the comfort of knowing their phone calls are being monitored by at least someone who cares.

The move comes after Republican lawmakers, locked in passionate disagreement over exactly how long Americans should be lovingly watched by federal agents, failed to unite behind Speaker Mike Johnson’s vision of just “doing whatever Trump yells about on Truth Social.”

Parties finally brokered the ten-day extension after several attempts at a longer renewal collapsed under the weight of what sources described as “an intense debate over whether the law should be illegal or just unconstitutional.”

“This is a proud moment for American democracy,” said Rep. Ron Flanagan (R-TX), addressing reporters while glancing nervously at his Alexa. “We stood together, divided, for the principle that we shouldn’t make big decisions about privacy until after the next fundraiser.”

Speaker Johnson hailed the extension as “historic,” explaining, “It gives Congress ten more days to not solve this issue and, if necessary, another ten after that. That’s how freedom works.”

Privacy advocate and full-time VPN user Linda Markowitz expressed cautious optimism, stating, “With only ten days of legal spying, I can finally go back to leaving my phone in the microwave before talking trash about my HOA.”

At press time, sources confirmed that President Biden was still searching for the ‘unify’ button on his phone.